


Have you lost someone?

by slowlee



Category: Captain America (Movies), Captain America - All Media Types, Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-03-07
Updated: 2017-03-07
Packaged: 2018-09-30 09:50:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,058
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10160555
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/slowlee/pseuds/slowlee
Summary: This fiction was translated by me. Originally in Chinese.





	

### The original fanfiction is made for Bucky's birthday at [Stucky group](http://www.now-do.com/group/view/6216492767698236854). Please come and join me!

 

 

[Captain American] Paring: Stucky.

Tense: Present.

\---------------[Translation starts below]------------------

Steve's confession.

Have you lost someone?

Like..one suddenly passes away without saying goodbye?

I've been losing even since my birth.

My dad who I never met died in WW1. And my mom died when I was just a teenage.

Eventually, I lost Bucky.

I can't tell how I felt when Bucky was falling down in front of me. It's more than desperate. Bucky is a family, a friend, most importantly, a lover to me. I can't imagine that I would lose him one day. Before 1945, I didn't. I always thought I would protect him. The first time we went to watch Gone with the wind, we never though Rhett Butler would leave Scarlett without leaving any word. The bad ending won't show up when you are ready which makes it even more heartbroken.

I remember that day in 1945, except for the heavey snow, it was a nice and normal day. However, the heavy snow might be a sign as far as I recall. Bucky didn't get up until I bugged him three times. He kissed me when he was shaving with foam all over his face. In the end, he spent much more time on shaving and cleaning me up. Later, he missed the final milk delivery. He didn't feel bad at about it though. Everything seems just quite normal and peaceful. We all feel fairly confidnet about catching Zola.

We were standing at the edge, facing the abyss. It is supposed to be a serious occasion. However, Bucky was still joking around. He was a bit afraid of the height. But we were required to slide from one side to the other. Bucky said if it was a revenge for what he did to me in Coney Island. Look, he always asked me such a question. What can I say? Is it too obvious?

The round-up turned out to be an ambush right after we got the train. The enemy took advantage of my negligence and shot us like hell. I didn't hold the shield and didn't stand still. Bucky sacrificed his life for me in the end. I gained some 100 pounds, 20cm. But I still can't protect him as he did for me.

He merely grabbed the bar and looked at me. He was so young. He has a young, lovely sister and me. He extended his hand, but I can't catch him.

There was merely damn heavy snow at the bottom of the cliff. I was searching his body in vain for three days. On the third day, all people talked me out of the freezing cliff. They said Bucky was either froze or eaten by the wild. I fought with everyone who dared to say this to me. I knew they were very like to be telling me the truth. I just can't leave his dead body there. He liked noise, music and alcohol. He wasn't supposed to be buried in such a cold place. In the end, I was ordered to come back. It was said Captain America ought to look at the whole picture instead of crying over a little death. The enemy hadn't be wiped out. The triumph hadn't come yet. All I wanted to be at that time was Steve in Brooklyn, the Steve with Bucky around while bullied all the time. Before Captain, I was still a human. I could be sad and desperate by losing my lifetime lover. I could give up for chasing him. But as a Cap, I can't. To be honest, I hate the uniform. sometimes.

I went to drink in the tavern where we celebrated our reunion. Unlike Bucky, I was never into alcohol. I didn't drink at all when I was weak. I guess I was used to it later on. At that night I drunk my whole life's alcohol.

During the first time I was back, I always turned right, and talked the old jokes only Bucky knew. I can't wait a quick and hot kiss after every little success. But I didn't have all of these in the end. I had to accept the truth that Bucky passed away.

It wasn't difficult for me to crash the airplane. Bucky was my only relations after my parents' death. I for sure will be indulging in the endless missing and regret in future. I had no difference than die.

Until I saw the green eyes again. I was more than happy that the snow of North Polar didn't eat me.

He didn't remember me. He even shouted at me, "Who is the Fucking Bucky?" I can't tell if the sadness of finding him not remembering me was greater than the happiness of finding him alive. After all, his living was the most important to me.

Then I knew he was brainwashed. I read all files Natasha prepared for me. You can't imagine my anger and heartbroken. Every word was like a sword stabbing at my heart. He used to be a superhero in WW2. Hydra erased his memory and manipulated his brain, and deprived his noble soul. When he was recovering his memory, he was struggling to fight against those badass and horrified eyes in his nightmare. I didn't know how he had been through it in the last decades.

When I saw him again in Bucharest, he was simply a normal person. That little house was shabby but fairly lively. He even started eating chips and biscuits. He kept the record of the daily expense on a notebook with my photo pinned. If I had time, I should have hugged and kissed him instead of asking, "do you remember me?"

We talked our gold times, watched a 40th old movie, or listened to Old Lang Syne. Most importantly, we met each other again after five years.

God never placed the good destiny on us, especially Bucky. But he never complained. I hated. Eventually, it gave Buck back to me. We were good.

You have to be patient, so will God.

——————————————————————

In the end, Steve rejected to prolong the interview. "I gotta go. Bucky should be back in a min. "

 

"Valentine's report from Cap, he and his lost lover". Avengers' Daily, 2.14, 2017.


End file.
